Self Development: August 2008

Outside The Comfort Zone: Things We Don't Want To Do

Most of us have had the experience of tackling some dreaded task only to come out the other side feeling invigorated, filled with a new sense of confidence and strength. The funny thing is, most of the time when we do them, we come out on the other side changed and often wondering what we were so worried about or why it took us so long. We may even begin to look for other tasks we’ve been avoiding so that we can feel that same heady mix of excitement and completion.

Whether we avoid something because it scares us or bores us, or because we think it will force a change we’re not ready for, putting it off only creates obstacles for us. On the other hand, facing the task at hand, no matter how onerous, creates flow in our lives and allows us to grow. The relief is palpable when we stand on the other side knowing that we did something even though it was hard or we didn't want to do it. On the other hand, when we cling to our comfort zone, never addressing the things we don’t want to face, we cut ourselves off from flow and growth.

We all have at least one thing in our life that never seems to get done. Bringing that task to the top of the list and promising ourselves that we will do it as soon as possible is an act that could liberate a tremendous amount of energy in our lives. Whatever it is, we can allow ourselves to be fueled by the promise of the feelings of exhilaration and confidence that will be the natural result of doing it.

On Having A Mentor A Lesson from Alexander The Great: Asoka Selvarajah, Ph.D

In a recent biography of Alexander the Great, the author, in exploring Alexander's motivations and driving forces, makes some fascinating observations.

It would seem that Alexander was a devoted reader of Homer's great epic poems, The Odyssey and the Iliad; particularly the latter. The Iliad deals with Ancient Greek ideals of hero, warfare and glory in the context of the war against the city of Troy.

Alexander, it would seem, read these stories from an early age and imagined himself to be in the same line as the classic Greek heroes of yesteryear. He was quite obsessive about this poem epic and could recite large sections of it by heart. In fact, he had a special copy made for himself and took it with him on his exploits and conquests of two million square miles of the ancient world.

In particular, his great hero was Achilles, from whom he was said to be a direct descendant through his mother. Throughout his life, Alexander engaged in a sort of rivalry with his hero and sought to outdo Achilles' exploits by his own. He also encouraged comparison between himself and Achilles.

All of this is fascinating from a number of aspects. First and foremost, it is yet another proof - as is repeatedly evidenced by all great achievers in life - that the mind creates reality. In other words, what you dwell upon becomes your reality.

Dwelling on a fictional account of heroism and conquest made one man realize that reality in his own life and conquer most of the known world. This was his role model and what he continually fantasized becoming.

Secondly, in so identifying with Achilles, he effectively made him a mentor. This is another common feature of highly successful people. They all have someone they turn to, or seek to emulate.

Usually, that person is alive. Even Bill Gates has a mentor. His name is Warren Buffett; one of the greatest living stock market investors and, like Bill Gates, a multi-billionaire. So if you seek excellence in a particular field, the first thing to do is to try to find someone who already excels in it and try to make their acquaintance and ask that person to be your mentor.

If that person is inaccessible (for now), then read their writings, watch their videos and imagine yourself doing the same. Ask yourself what that person would do in each situation. Imagine being that person.

However, if you have no living mentor who will do, you can create one in your imagination as Alexander must have done with Achilles. You can imagine your mentor performing at the level of excellence you desire and then, as Alexander the Great must have done, step into that person's shoes and imagine it is you excelling and leaving the rest of the world behind.

It is so striking that all highly successful people do a huge amount of imagining and daydreaming. Most of us do not because we feel it is a waste of time and achieves nothing. Strangely, enough, it could be the most important thing we ever do. Without it, all our other "practical" efforts could go for nothing.

In conclusion, (a) seek a mentor in your field of choice - either living, dead or imagined - and seek to emulate that person's excellence; (b) imagine and visualize your future vividly and continually.

Imagine even the utterly impossible, as Alexander the Great did. If you do, who knows what might happen? Your vision of what is possible might just have to expand a lot to fit a much grander design!

Some Time

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there. They serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or help figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be; your roommate, neighbor, professor, long lost friend, lover or even a complete stranger who, when you lock eyes with theirs, you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.

Sometimes things happen to you and at the time they may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, if they be events, illnesses or relationships, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. Safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life and the successes and downfalls you experience -- they are the ones who create who you are. Even the bad experiences can be learned from ... those lessons are the hardest and probably the most important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious about to whom you open your heart.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them.

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.

Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love. Break free and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to.

Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you either.

You can make of your life anything you wish.

Create your own life and then go out and live it!

FW: Queer Deaths

Lennon, after saying that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ, was shot six times.

Tancredo Neves (President of Brazil ):

During the Presidential campaign, he said if he got 500,000 votes from his party, not even God would remove him from Presidency.

Sure he got the votes, but he got sick a day before being made President, then he died.

Cazuza (Bi-sexual Brazilian composer, singer and poet):

During A show in Canecio ( Rio de Janeiro ),

while smoking his cigarette, he puffed out some smoke into the air and said:'God, that's for you.'

He died at the age of 32 of LUNG CANCER in a horrible manner.

The man who built the Titanic

After the construction of Titanic, a reporter asked him how safe the Titanic would be.

With an ironic tone he said:

'Not even God can sink it'

The result: I think you all know what happened to the Titanic

Marilyn Monroe (Actress)

She was visited by Billy Graham during a presentation of a show.

He said the Spirit of God had sent him to preach to her.

After hearing what the Preacher had to say, she said:

'I don't need your Jesus'.

A week later, she was found dead in her apartment

Bon Scott (Singer)

The ex-vocalist of the AC/DC. On one of his 1979 songs he sang:

'Don't stop me; I'm going down all the way, down the highway to hell'.

On the 19th of February 1980, Bon Scott was found dead, he had been choked by his own vomit.

Campinas (IN 2005)

In Campinas , Brazil a group of friends, drunk, went to pick up a friend.....

The mother accompanied her to the car and was so worried about the drunkenness of her friends and she said to the daughter holding her hand, who was already seated in the car:

'My Daughter, Go With God And May He Protect You.'

She responded: 'Only If He (God) Travels In The Trunk, Cause Inside Here.....It's Already Full '

Hours later, news came by that they had been involved in a fatal accident, everyone had died,

the car could not be recognized what type of car it had been, but surprisingly, the trunk was intact.

The police said there was no way the trunk could have remained intact. To their surprise, inside the trunk was a crate of eggs, none was broken

Christine Hewitt (Jamaican Journalist and entertainer)
said the Bible (Word of God) was the worst book ever written.

In June 2006 she was found burnt beyond recognition in her motor vehicle.

Many more important people have forgotten that there is no other name that was given so much authority as the name of Jesus.

Many have died, but only Jesus died and rose again, and he is still alive.

'Jesus'

I have done my part, Jesus said

'If you are embarrassed about me,

I will also be embarrassed about you before my father.'

'Lord, I love you and I need you, come into my heart, and bless me, my family, my home, and my friends, in Jesus' name. Amen.'

DEPRESSION FACTS.....A MUST READ

Everyone feels blue at one time or another. A death in the family, a disappointment in your career, a romance gone awry--all can cause most people to feel down for a period of time. Grief and sadness are normal reactions to life's stressful events. After a time, however, most people will heal and return to a normal life.

Depression is more than the normal ups and downs of life that we all have. When sadness just won't go away and it begins to interfere with daily life we recognize this as a mood disorder called depression.

Sometimes depression goes unrecognized because it may manifest itself in more ways than just a sad mood. A depressed person may feel any or all of the following emotions: anger, irritability, hopelessness, fear, anxiety, fatigue, numbness, confusion, worthlessness, or shame. A depressed person may also feel physically ill, weak, or in some cases have hallucinations.

Depression can affect every aspect of your life: your physical health, your sleep, your eating habits, your job, and your relationships with friends and family. It affects your thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

People with untreated depression may choose to self-medicate with drugs or alcohol. They may also relieve their emotional pain by overeating, physically harming themselves (cutting, burning), being sexually promiscuous, or other self-destructive behaviors.

Depression may come on suddenly as result of a stressful event or it may grow slowly over months and years. It may have an apparent cause or it may not seem to have any rhyme or reason. Depressed people suffer from an imbalance in their brain chemistry that makes them especially prone to stress. What may seem a small setback to someone else may be the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back for a person prone to depression.

It is very important for those who love a depressed person--as well as the depression person themselves--to understand that a depressed person suffers from a very real illness. A depressed person cannot just "snap out of it" or "cheer up". They are not weak, lazy, defective, or seeking attention. They are ill and need your help.

Like any other illness, depression is treatable. Although there is no "cure" for depression, it is very controllable. There are a wide variety of medications that are effective in treating depression. With medication, therapy, and time, a depressed person can get well and lead a happy and productive life. I'm living proof of that. When I say living, I mean that literally. Depression is also the number one cause of suicide. If you suspect that you or someone you love is depressed, take steps now to get treatment. You may just save a life.

Interconnected Experiences: Noticing Synchronicity

When events appear to fit together perfectly in our lives it may seem at first that they are random occurrences, things that are the result of coincidence. These synchronous happenings, though, are much more than that, for, if we look at them more closely they can show us that the universe is listening to us and gently communicating with us. Learning to pay attention to and link the things that occur on a daily basis can be a way for us to become more attuned to the fact that most everything happens in our lives for a reason – even when that reason is not clear right away.

When we realize that things often go more smoothly than we can ever imagine, it allows us to take the time to reflect on the patterns in our lives. Even events that might not at first seem to be related to each other are indicators that the universe is working with, not against, us. This idea of synchronicity, then, means that we have to trust there is more to our lives than what we experience on a physical level. We need to be willing to look more closely at the bigger picture, accepting and having confidence in the fact that there is more to our experiences than immediately meets the eye. Being open to synchronicity also means that we have to understand that our lives are filled with both positive and negative events. Once we can recognize that one event is neither more desirable nor better than the other – they all have an overall purpose in our lives -- then we are truly ready to listen to the messages the universe gives us.

While we may not be able to see everything in our lives as being synchronous, we can certainly use hindsight to be more aware of how the universe guides us. This sense of wonder at the mysteries of the universe and the interconnectedness present in our lives will help us see our overall ways of being and will in turn make it easier to work more consciously towards our spiritual evolution.

Being A Strong Container: Grounding Ourselves

We often hear people telling us to ground ourselves, but we may not be sure what that means and how we might do it. Grounding ourselves is a way of bringing ourselves literally back to earth. Some of us are more prone than others to essentially leaving our bodies and not being firmly rooted in our bodies. There’s nothing terribly wrong with this, but while we are living on the earth plane it is best to stay grounded in the body.

One of the easiest ways to ground ourselves is to bring our attention to our breath as it enters and leaves our bodies. After about 10 breaths, we will probably find that we feel much more connected to our physical selves. We might then bring our awareness to the sensations in our bodies, moving from our head down to our feet, exploring and inquiring. Just a few minutes of this can bring us home to bodies and to the earth, and this is what it means to ground ourselves.

We can go further by imagining that we have roots growing out of the bottoms of our feet, connecting us to the earth. The roots flow with us so we can we always move, but at the same time they keep us grounded. We receive powerful energy from the earth just as we do from the forms of energy we associate with the sky, and our body is a tool that brings these two energies together in a sacred union. When we are grounded, we essentially become a strong container in which our spirits can safely and productively dwell. This is why grounding ourselves every day, especially at the beginning of the day, is such a beneficial practice. Fortunately, it’s as simple as bringing our conscious awareness to our bodies and the earth on which we walk.

Part Of The Process: Feeling Stuck

When we feel stuck in our lives it’s important to take stock of what is going on and find out if there is something we are doing or not doing that is keeping us stuck. Sometimes the situation is out of our control, and we need to look within to find the patience required to wait with equanimity until things move forward again. Many times, though, we can find the source of our stagnation in our own hearts and minds. Sometimes we are clinging to old ideas about reality and we need to make adjustments that will bring us back in tune with life, so we can flow again. Sometimes we find that fear of change is what’s keeping us stuck, and we can resolve to find ways of facing that fear.

If introspection does not provide the answers we need, it can sometimes be helpful to ask those around you if they notice anything obvious that you might not be able to see. Remember to ask someone whom you can trust to be kind and sensitive as well as honest. Try to let go of your resistance because whenever there is something we can’t see ourselves, it’s because we don’t want to see it. Try to listen with an open mind, and remember that you are always the final judge of what you need. Anything offered to us from an outside source will need to be processed within before its wisdom can take hold.

In all this, be kind to yourself and remember that we all get stuck sometimes. Think of it as a part of your process, a necessary step on your journey, rather than as a problem that shouldn’t be happening. This can help to keep your frustration at bay and give you the space you need to take a deep breath and really figure out what’s going on.

The Happiest People I know: Alan Cohen

Over dinner one night Dee and I got onto the subject of happiness. "Who do we know who is truly happy?" she asked me. "And what do they know or do that makes them happy?"

Hmmm. I did a quick mental scan. Several faces popped into my mind.

The first was a Japanese friend, Shinn, whom we met during our first visit to Japan. Shinn's energy, magnified by a wide genuine smile, is so radiant that he lights any room he enters. He is a bonfire of love.

Shinn was a cellist who had been diagnosed with cancer. He tried to fight the disease, but only felt worse. Then he decided to love his cancer cells. Every day he sent them blessings and appreciation for the wake-up call they provided. That process was so rewarding that Shinn decided to love his whole life…everyone and everything…no exceptions. The cancer disappeared. Shinn became happy. Shinn became a healer. Now he is an urban legend in Japan.

Next, I thought of my friends Barry and Joyce Vissell, a couple married over 35 years. They have dedicated their lives to their relationship and family, and teach others how to create loving relationships.

"What do Joyce and Barry do that keeps them happy?" Dee asked me.

"They are surrendered to their partnership," I told her. "They value joy more than resistance. They do not resist each other, their relationship, their children, or their life. Their attitude is refreshingly childlike. They don't complicate their hearts with heady issues. Daily they find new ways to appreciate and celebrate their relationship, and it becomes an ever-greater blessing to them and everyone they touch."

"Who else?" Dee asked me.

"Barry Dennis," I answered. Barry is a gifted energetic musician tapped into an infinite flow of creativity. He is passionate about all he does, continually surfing on his intuitive edge. What about Barry makes him happy? He is one with his purpose. He is a musician true to his calling. He does not busy or bother himself with spreadsheets, self-marketing, or waiting tables until he gets his big break. He gives himself a big break every day by letting himself be exactly what he is.

Then I recalled a television documentary I saw about centenarians, people who live to be 100. The interviewer tried to find some element or lifestyle common to people who live a very long time. He examined diet ― nope, lots of them ate meat and junk food. Vices? Some of them drank and smoked. Profession? All kinds. The documentarian was stumped until he realized that all the centenarians were light-hearted. They didn't take life too seriously and they flowed with changes. Nearly all of their friends and family had passed on before them, and they still found beauty and wonder in each new day. They were happy to be alive, and so life kept them alive.

I thought, too, of a conversation I had with a well-known author and speaker. When our conversation casually came around to money, he told me, "I have enough money. I don't really need any more." My first thought was, "Well, sure you make $20,000 a lecture!" After I got over my knee-jerk reaction, I realized that this man has enough money because he decides that what he has is enough. I had never before heard anyone say, "I have enough money." Most people I have met believe they do not have enough money. I know people who have millions of dollars, and it is not enough. I know others who have just a few dollars, and they are quite satisfied. I learned from this man that "enough" is not a condition; it is a choice. People who see through the eyes of enoughness are constantly satisfied. Another clue.

As I scanned my memory bank for other happy folks, I looked across the table at this beautiful, present, and open-hearted woman across from me. I was zooming out on thoughts about how to be happy, when one of the greatest reasons for my happiness was sitting right in front of me. I took Dee's hand and told her, "There's one more element of happiness, maybe the biggest: gratitude. I am grateful to be here with you and to dance with you in the realm of expansive, joyful thoughts. I love it when you talk metaphysical to me." We laughed and enjoyed the rest of our dinner and evening ― far richer for the conversation and insights. Capsule summary of the elements of happiness, learned from my friends who live it: Love it all. Drop resistance. Be true to yourself and your purpose. Lighten up. Find and celebrate enoughness. Say thank you to your loved ones. And talk metaphysical to me whenever possible.